but i AM the chosen one.

i make deals with myself everyday.
whether it be that i get to pick a candy out of that jar that sits by the door leading out of Doxtek once i've finished three hours of work.

or that i get to watch one episode of a TV show before starting homework, scholarships, etc. but only one.
or some of a soccer game.
or, seeing as i live for movies, if i don't feel like a TV show i'll tell myself i can watch a bit of a good movie.
which usually ends up being something different everytime because i could never pick a favorite movie.

but sometimes candy and films don't cut it.

so i move to rewarding myself with stuff like making up my own yoga moves to help relax for a few minutes. or laying on my floor and listening to one record front and back. only one. always only one. or i'll make something, which usually ends up not looking so good but it's still fun.

finding motivation to do stuff is so hard lately.
but when i have a prize waiting for me, it gets done. usually, i guess.

i've found that my bookmarked blogs list is getting rather long. i'm addicted to reading about lives of people i don't know. people are cool.

i get most my ideas from people i don't know.

because, people are cool.

my grandma asked me if the keys that hang from my ceiling open anything. sometimes i look at them and wonder that.

what do they open?

maybe a chest. maybe a bicycle lock. maybe a vault.

and who used them?

questions questions.

i hung some snowflakes today.

it seemed right considering it snowed. which was brilliant.

the fab four.

"...and above all, pity those who live without love." -dumbledore. that new thrift store on state street is pretty fun. i found some treasures. a life magazine from a while back full of the story of John Lennon and the Beatles, plus pictures galore. my reading for the week. old film camera, i'll buy some film soon. six new records. two of them neil diamond. i listened to harry potter while scanning at doxy, fred died and i cried. i was alone. sunday inspiration: service, gratitude, self-mastery. i made some pompoms to hang in my room. tutorial here. they look nice. anything that'll hang from my ceiling is my favorite. four more days. my mom and sisters are in love with chuck. i can't wait for tomorrow night, two weeks is too long to go without a new episode. that was a really fun weekend. skateboarding circles. you have not seen movement till you've seen Kirk...dance. that is what it was, i'm sure. that was a good game, ya know? it's going to be a good week chums.

happy sundey.

i

i've been thinking a little.
no. actually i've been thinking a lot lately. about life.
it's rather interesting how much people, even strangers, inspire me daily.
everyday i check up on blogs of people i don't even know. people who live far away or not too far away. who have different lifestyles and beliefs.
everyday i see people i know, i talk to them, they lift me up. even if it's just a little.
all these people are inspiring in their own way. but they all have something in common. WE all have something in common. we are all trying to be happy, we are all trying to be us. 
and just by getting that daily dose of inspiration from these people, i find out more about myself each day. things that i didn't know i was capable of. things that make me happy. things that affect me emotionally. things that make me excited for my future.
today i made an equation.

andrew+carissa's love, film, and happiness for life and each other.

+

rockstardiaries lifestyle, beliefs and fun ideas.

+

thelittleredhouse's love of family and excitement for life.

+

abeautifulmess's creativity.

+

nienie's courage and love of family and the gospel.

+

bleubird's fashion, colormekatie's humor, todayisaw's daily drawing project, acupofjoy's style and thesnailandthecyclops's simplified home.
+
carrie.

+

my friends.

my family.

+

the gospel.

= my daily dose.

my daily dose of inspiration.

finding the beauty in simple things.

finding my style.

finding what makes me happy. and who will make me happy.

and reasuring me that that happiness doesn't come from anything that will degrade my mind or my body.

reading about these people's lives everyday is a reminder to me that i can have that. i can have a cute family in a little house that i can decorate. that i can have a husband who cares about me with all his heart, and kiddos that i can teach and love. and don't forget that they can be mine for eternity.

it's weird how much i have changed in the last year-ish. last year at this time, something as ordinary as an old key wouldn't have made me as happy as it does now.

for me, happiness is a video of a couple in love. old things, film cameras or heart doilies and record players. making a blanket fort and sitting in it. seeing pictures of a family who went on a fun vacation. a good scripture or talk. watching my dad wrestle with the dog at the foot of my bed, and my sister's smile when she brings her geography grade up to an A. a good movie. a person with faith. knowing that my mom knows where i am, and that she cares. a red umbrella. a red balloon. friends who care, friends who lift me up. planning out my future home and dreaming of that guy i'll call husband. buying a new CD and hanging the cover on my wall.

so many things! i have so many things to be grateful for, so many things that bring me happiness.

and i am so glad i've found who i am.

that i've found my style.

what to expect. 

what makes me happy.

what makes me, me.

and that carrie has been with me the whole time.

because honestly, what would i be without her.
i decided that my husband will probably be something like having an upgraded carrie. because if he's cut out to be all he is in my head...well, it's just hard to beat a friend like carrie.
someone knew i wouldn't survive without her.

******************************************************************

whoa, so many words. but lately i just feel like my mind is running a marathon. or two. i think so much. i think in my sleep.

so i wrote.

tell me this doesn't look like golden with girl's clothes on.

"ah! indian...bison!
i hate you guys.
that's a wedge not a log!
i personally think we should go back to the yule log.
kirkafur.
sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and i'm like...oh! nick!
i only forgave myself for it a few months ago."

i would marry newman's personality.

right. now.

happy first day of wearing the fingerless gloves to school.

don't tell me the snow put a downer on your day,

cause today i might have drove to school a little happy. 

someone must know i like surprises.

it was something like christmas, a little.

lately i'm just so so so very very tired.

i also use words more than once ^

dissapointed and very, very sad, what are we gonna do now?

"no thanks, i don't want my body being used as a birthday display."

Halloween Carnivals.

today was the day. ninth ward halloween carnival.

i was an astronaut.

laurels helped with the decorating of cookies activity. and boy oh boy did i see so many cute little kids in the cutest outfits.

i can't wait to dress my mini me kiddos up for halloween.

and carve pumpkins with them.

and make caramel popcorn and apples with them.

and take them trick-or-treating, then helping them organize their candies. (i was a weird kid)

remember when i had film?

yeah i wish i had some more.

my name is marcel and i'm partially a shell.

i like that about myself.

"you don't always have to be on top.

better to be hated than love, loved, loved for what you're not.

guess what. i am not a robot."

 

happy first day of having to scrape off the automobiles
of flakey flakes.

i gotta get me some pre-blessed food.

and two tickets to heaven.

though, i am kinda missing the lingering raindrops and the deck and pumpkins being shiny.

now, sleep.
cause this headache is surely, surely not leaving.

sing. sing a song.

going to lagoon for homecoming was one of the greatest ideas those boys have ever had.

no dance.

no dress.

no worries.

best friends.

best idea.

and it was oh so much fun.

i feel like i've laughed more this last week than i have in months.

the real laughter kind.

the kind that hurts your stomach but it feels so good.

and my laughter/happy high credits go to:

Neil Diamond.

my friendly friend friends.

Mr. Newman.

Jessie being in the homecoming pageant.

new dresses and boots.

catching a 2010 PG Football t-shirt in the assembly/wearing it to the BIG GAME.

family.

lit up G's.

g-status jokes.

modern day prophets.

big side-burns and hairy necks.

lagoon.

Decades in Salt Lake.

buy one get one free LP's.

seminary.
realizing i've had the Chuck theme song in my itunes this whole time.

feeling a bit happy once you realize you did one percent better on a math test than someone that irks you, heh heh. (but...Love One Another.)

saying happy birthday to someone.

conference pick-me ups.
Harry Potter on audio book.

screaming on rides.

the fun house.

hour long movie games.

B-tholomew.

"Mobile Home!"..."uh, it's called The RV."

and the prize for the biggest contributor goes to,

The Weather.

i don't recall ever being so excited for this beautiful season of fall. i always thought i was a die hard summer person.

but look outside.

i feel like i can finally breathe and be happy. it's like i walked outside last Monday and woke up from a four month slumber of boredom, depression and nothingness.

feeeels good.

even just driving around looking at the trees make me happy.

i also feel like i have a lot of things to change in my life that can make it so much better, even if they are little things.

-cut back on stuff i think i need, but i don't. the computer and music for example.

-make better use of my time, so much of what i do is a waste.

-be more positive and happy.

oh, i thought about this talk while i typed this up, learn to laugh.

you know, we are made in the image of God.

we are like him.

we like to laugh.

so he must love to laugh.

i remember thinking that one day in Brother Fossum's seminary class last year.
He wants us to be happy.

three cheers for this being the longest post ever.

happy Sunday.

ps. a very happy would-be-70th birthday to Mister John Lennon yesterday, that beautiful man.

"Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world"

"I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go"

"Love is real, real is love"

{photo via lastfm}

"no taking pictures of vampires in bathrooms." mr. b-tholomew

oh. i loooove Nienie.
she is amazing.
her family is the cutest.
look at a photo shoot of them here.
listen to her story here. (i love this video so so much.)
read her blog here.

i want a mix of kids like they do.
red hair.
brown hair.
red-brown hair.
blonde hair.

cutest family.
and she is just amazing. AMAZING.

***********************************************************

words from Ukraine:

"On Friday Elder Cluff and I were in Kiev for Zone Leaders' Council. It is now held monthly. We meet to discuss the progress and needs of the mission and to set goals and also receive training. Every time I go to this meeting I'm always struck by the Spirit of it. Think of the things that most 19 to 21 year old young men in the world think about, talk about, and spend their time doing. At this meeting I look around at the faces of the other eleven missionaries and I see eleven representatives of Jesus Christ. I see education and work put on hold, girlfriends taking the backseat, music, videos, and games forgotten,  and things of the world pushed out of mind. I feel that it is truly a marvelous work and a wonder that young men and women would give up their entire lives for two years to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. It's not two years of endurance. It's not two years and then "oh-sigh of relief-now we're back to the real world." Yes it's a sacrifice, but one far outweighed by the blessings. There is no price nor value that can be put to the joys, fears, struggles, growth, and blessings that accompany serving a mission. I express my gratitude for every single missionary, whether they be full-time or not. I also encourage every young man who may read this to begin preparing now for a mission. You're blessing your future wife, children, and friends because of the changes and growth you'll experience on your mission. I love my mission. I love this people so much. There's no greater calling."

-my pretty awesome missionary brother.

happy.

"make yourself at home, cause i'm goin out..."

today:
Mason Jennings.
pumpkins.
black and white.
sister.
colors.

{ps.}

if it's a Monday and it's raining.

and you are coming back to school after lunch.

and you don't want to get all wet when you get out of your car.

find a friend like Carrie.

who is cool enough to have an umbrella in her car.

and

you

won't

get

wet.

da da da.

huzzah.

oh and remember to leave us names and eeeemails in the post below.

last call soon kids.

Sammy's.

jessie and i went to sammy's yesterday.

we saw some neat things and ate some good food.

Rooftop Concert Series was setting up and we fell in love with the hanging lantern lights.

we will be attending one of those.

strawberry cheescake pie shake.

old indian man with a turban and a cane, too cute.

neat building with yellow accents next to sammy's.

sweet potato fries.

a bicycle gang full of cool kids in striped shirts and chacos.

a little Shakespeare.
and some Robert Downey Jr.

good night.

also,

"...We would all do well to slow down."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

calm down. slow down. stop stressing. breath. be happy.

i think a lot of us needed that.

a little black and white beatle loving.

Magical Mystery Tour, The Beatles.
I'm Goin' Down, Bruce Springsteen.
Happiness Is A Warm Gun, The Beatles.
All My Loving, Across The Universe Soundtrack.
In Other Words, Ben Kweller.
Carolina In My Mind, James Taylor.
Holly Holy, Neil Diamond.
Colors, Amos Lee with Norah Jones.
Maxwell's Silver Hammer, The Beatles.
Over It Over Again, She & Him.
Home, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros.
Paint A Vulgar Picture, The Smiths.
Get Happy, Judy Garland.
Under My Bed, Meiko.

lovelies.

happy happy happy.

{lastfm}

C. Smith shot me a text the other day:

"when i'm rollin in forward motion i think about only you."

yess.

name that song.

well i took the "Which Harry Potter Character Are You?" on the hated facebook.

i'm harry.

i love harry.

we beat the dragon.

Desmond says to Molly, girl i like your face.

remember Eddy Arnold? he is a beautiful, beautiful man. he sounds even better on that turntable of mine with that crackly and warmified sound. i surely did cry when Carrie and i first busted it out the other day.

remember that movie Across The Universe? well it is surely, surely weird. but it's ok. we love that muuusic.

peach shakes.

muddy buddies.

beautiful frients. 

movies.

putting new umbrellas to use.

i've just seen a face.  

the smell of peaches.

Alias episode after Alias episode after Chuck episode after another. 

big b day babe.

u r hott, so am i, check the pic. 

old keys for 25 cents. score. 

fall. fall food.

BYU soccer.

the sound of a ticking clock.

blurry photos.

"In this whole world there is nothing of more value than the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The fullness of His Gospel is on the earth, and these blessings are available to the humble of heart.

All are invited to come unto Him,

the Redeemer of the world,

the Savior of mankind,

the living Son of the living God,

the Prince of Peace,

the Holy One."

-Elder Dobry

huzzah indeed.

either she's an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or... she's a robot.

Newman: sometimes he says stuff that deserves to be written.

"if there's no more panda bears,

i'm pretty sure i'm still gonna wake up tomorrow."

that man is funnney.

plus he's obsessed with that wife of his.

and what girl doesn't love that.

while in the modern Buy More, (Best Buy), the other day i was sure expecting Chuck or Morgan to turn the corner.

oh Chuck.

also while in IKEA the other day, i saw a chinese man in a bathroom.

literally.

"darling. i don't know how to tell you this, but...there's a chinese family in our bathroom."

love affair.

"For me, the reading of the scriptures is not the pursuit of scholarship. Rather it is a love affair with the word of the Lord and that of His prophets. They contain so much for each of us."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

Goal for this year? Have a love affair with the scriptures. Yes please.

can i just say?

That i love these boys with my whole heart.
and that i never got to have brothers but these guys are close enough.
and when we hang out just the three of us i get to act like i'm seven again.
and saying the word wedgie is SO funny.

That white heads are awfuly nasty.

and they are ment to be popped.
boys tank tops are also awfuly nasty.
avoid both if possible.

That Band of Horses is the best.
no really. listen to this song.
no one's gonna love you.
it gives me chills.

That i am afraid of the fact that i am a senior.
and that i miss the old seniors bad.
very bad.
expecially at football games.

That i have three sisters.
but really, i have five.
if you consider how much time i spend with rory and lorelai.
we might as well be sisters.

That country music is good for you.
it's like hot chocolate or mashed potatoes.
makes you feel good.
(most of it)

That on a scale of 1 to 10 this summer was an 8.
more good than bad.
for sure.

That rating things on a scale of 1 to 10 is fun.
school is going to be a 6.5.
charley st. cloud was a 0.
dobe is a 10.

That today is the last saturday of summer.
better be good.

but whatever man.

maybe one day. maybe not.

today, Jessie blogged about food. this made me think of Zupa's Hawaiian Barbeque Chicken panini. i could just about taste it in my mouth around one in the afternoon. i really wanted one. tonight, i dragged my family out to Zupa's. and i got me that Hawaiian Barbeque Chicken panini. i even creeped on Yohanna, i envy her yob.

the stomach is satisfied.

every time i go to Target i look at their record players.

one day.

new team. new dream.

isn't it just nice when movies have good music.

isn't it even better when yer the only person who can name a song from a movie.

yes.

The Last Song has got some gooood songs in it.

we got Ra Ra Riot, Iron & Wine, Feist and more.

owls, owls on notebooks.

Sam Beam, from Iron & Wine, is harry.

very harry.

and we thought the Band of Horses singer was harry.

one time my cousin's friend asked me who i was texting, i said Carrie.

he thought i said Harry.

i wish.

see how they fly like Lucy in the sky.

"cheese gromit. cheeeese."

sunday i'm in love:
red nails.
Wallace and Gromit.
freckles.
new mechanical pencils.
hugs. i'm not usually a fan of hugs, but sometimes they are nice. and necessary.
curly cursive.
cookies. cookies at home, cookies at church.
movies.
when Gromit falls in love with Fluffy and they bust out the Puppy Love LP.
planning things.
writing for fun, writing to feel better.
bicycles.
hanging indents.

"california is a great big nation of one."

Sunday, i'm in love:

Louis Armstrong's voice. 2011 IKEA magazine: especially that wall on page ten. camping trips/48 hours of pure four-wheeler-ing love/family. blue-ray Pride & Prejudice. going to see Inception again this week. Quelqu'un m'a dit. team "Mighty Moose". turning on Gagi's old 60's tunes and her and Grandpa doing the jitterbug. Billie Holiday. the smell of home when you get back from a trip. jazzy music. Dad's in love with She & Him now. "Halle, if i ever see you light another match...well, that's a lot of time-outs." the three little munchkins snatching the box of matches: 34 matches lit. forest fire? thank heavens no. more dutch oven food than your mother ever did see. yes, the only reason i watched A River Runs Through It is because Joseph Gordon-Levitt The Beautiful was in it: for a whole five minutes. cloud watching with my two camping chaps:

oh they look so clean. two days later...brown as mud. best ever. camping at "hey! you're on THE THORNOCK property." this year: success. if you asked me to pull out a favorite memory and slip it into that shallow stone basin of a pensieve, this weekend would definitely be in the drawing.

"why don't we just sit and stare and do nothing. nothing at all for a while.

i like the way you smile."

sepia toned lovins.

last night for about an hour i do believe we lived in the most beautiful place in the world.

that sunset was amazing.

and it seems to me that stuff like that only happens on sunday.

you know what's magic?

being big girls and taking a trip to salt lake with your dobes.

urban outfitters 2 for 20 shoes.

NOT working at that pool.

the beehive tea room's scones.

missing people.

on a scale of wrestler to runner what kind of body do i have?

playing football with my dobe.

silences that aren't awkward.

my dad using the phrase "got all kissy face"

lightning

it's magic i tell you.